living out ou convictions and more

I am just loving the cool Fall weather here! I'm so glad it's been this way and will continue until weather. It's so nice during the days and nights. I even bought some hot cocoa mix with peppermint in it the other day!! I've been still just trying to adjust to 2 children under the age of 2,wow, it's hard. I know it's hard to an extent for every family,but I really don't feel like I'm cut out for it. I get so mad at Daniel some days,I don't do good on lack of sleep,and I just feel selfish sometimes. That is when I am reminded that if I was wonderful at it I wouldn't have to call on my Lord for His help,so maybe I am cut out for it. I used to think being close to the Lord meant you had to read your Bible everyday and if you didn't it angered Him. Or you had to pray so many hours a day or you just weren't ready for the day or good enough. Now, I'm not saying we don't need to attempt to read our Bible everyday and pray for more than 10 minutes,but I have been learning it's also about living out your convictions.The days we get to read the Bible a lot and pray a lot should prepare us for days we do not get to for some reason. Wow, when I was a Mother of 1 it was hard to do both and now with 2 children it seems nearly impossible.

Really through my 2 pregnancies and births I have saw some things in a new light. I've been wanting to write about them just haven't had the chance and all. I hope the above makes sense.. ? I'll elaborate some. I've always said non-believers in Jesus Christ do not want to be a part of the believers because they don't appear to be much different. Sure they go to church every time the door is open (not saying that is bad at all I actually do miss going all the time) and don't partake in somethings that non-believers do partake in. But is that enough? Really, are those 2 things enough? I do not believe it is enough to win over those who have been scorned or hurt by the Body of Christ. I believe we have to have strong convictions and live them out for those to see we really are different. Some people thought I was being stubborn or I was crazy for not having any pain medication,not vaxing my children,not taking them to any well check ups,and other things we did not do. But I felt very strongly convicted to do what we did and we stuck to it all (within reason of the 2 c/s which I did not plan).Side note: I'm not saying everyone has to do what we did either,lots don't and it doesn't make them not Christians. I could have chose to give in for certain things because family or friends pressured me or questioned me or even made fun of me. We didn't though,we went on with what we felt like God had for our family. To me, that is living out convictions-just one example it may not be a good one I thought it was though. These convictions aren't specifically addressed in the Bible per say,but I feel strongly it is the right way. I believe living out your convictions is very important. Those that are just tossed to and fro on whatever whim that is out there are no different than those who are lost souls. But when the lost souls see people who believe in something strong enough to stick to it then a lot of doors will open for ministry.

I feel a lot better mentally and physically. Goodness last week when I was sick it was bad. I was so defeated in my mind about being able to do it all with Mike being gone to work. I just did not think I could do it. I can do it,but it won't be without challenges. I know that life is full of challenges and there is nothing to do about it,but take them on. It's not been too bad with Mike at work,grant it, it's not running as smoothly as I would like,but it's only been a month since Aaron has been here. So I do know things will get more routine like and better,but not without it's rough spots. The Deplin seemed to help with my incision really. I just kept telling Mike I want my body to be normal again and I thought it never would be. I don't think my body will ever feel really normal,maybe it will,I don't know. But the Deplin has helped the incision to feel different,as in better. I started taking gummy vitamins and Echinacea ( I can never remember how to spell it) too. It's helped me feel better all around. Daniel is doing a lot better,I'm so glad. I really thought we had lost our little boy due to lack of discipline and everything combined. He is listening better than he was and isn't so jealous. Well, he isn't of Aaron and I,but boy he doesn't like Mike to hold Aaron at all. Daniel is going through a transition too I've noticed. He needs Mike way more than he needs me right now and I've heard that is normal for his age. Children need a strong,stable,loving male in their life I believe and that's how I believe God intends for families to be, a Mother and a Father. He is really clinging to Mike. Children need and want boundaries and limits,they make them feel secure. Without them they feel out of control I believe and not secure. Daniel still has a long way to go,but he is doing better than he was. He is very strong willed,demanding,high need,and high strung. Aaron seems so different already. He is very laid back and loves to sleep or cuddle. He wants to be fed,changed,put to sleep,and left alone. He does like to be held,I think most babies do at this age, but he will go to sleep on his own. He just seems very laid back. I know he'll probably go through a period where he is bouncing off the walls,but that's kids for you. God knew what we needed this time. I can leave Aaron in his swing and not feel bad since he isn't crying that way I can cook or tend to Daniel also. I can't stand to hear babies cry,not just mine.

I think I would love Mike having a regular job shift,like a day or night time shift. I think it would be much easier to have a steady shift instead of the sporadic ones. But tis life for now. It's just really hard at times because Mike has to get enough sleep so he is alert on his job. I never thought a Law Officer's life was this way,but I found out otherwise. With that said, I am proud of what he does,it can just be frustrating,as every job is at times.

Oh and some scary things have been happening here at the apartment. Last week 2 black guys knocked on our door,but Mike didn't get to it until they had went downstairs to another apartment. Well, he saw them and asked what they were doing here. They made up story about being students at the local University near by and were doing a survey. He told them the landlord didn't want them on site and they had to leave,they replied with why and where is she? He told them to leave or else. Well, 10 minutes later he heard them knocking on another door in the complex,so he went outside again to talk to them. This time he told them he was the courtesy officer and they had to go now. They said they were sorry and hit the road. Come to find out they had robbed a Checker's the day before. Horrific,really. A few days later a guy was reported looking through cars and checking the door handles in building A. A few days after that we were leaving to go get milk and I saw 2 black guys on bicycles going near our building. They proceeded to ride on the grass (where we take Daniel out to play) and go to the back of the building. I told Mike and he put his gun on and went to talk to them. He told them they had to leave and they asked why and said they thought there was a trail back there. (Oh and there is a trail,mostly used by criminals running from the police. It leads from a neighborhood that is pretty violent and comes right to the back of our building.) He told them there wasn't and they needed to leave. They started cussing at him. He then turned into Trooper mode. He didn't cuss at them,but he wasn't very nice either. We found out one day earlier they had knocked on our ederly neighbors door saying their battery died and needed some money. Mr. Joe is an ex marine and well he didn't buy it. It's sad now days you can't trust people really. I don't answer the door at night at all and during the day unless you are Mr. Joe,Ms. T, or Mr. & Mrs. Willie I do not answer. So be praying for our safety. Mike is pretty mad about it and I don't want him to do anything extreme,but then again if it'll keep us safe then so be it.

Alright I better go. I let Aaron take a nap while Daniel and I played. He likes to sit in a chair by me while I get on here,so he's been doing that. I'm fixing to wake Aaron up for the afternoon Thanks

Michael Aaron is here!

Thursday I started having contractions early in the morning around 3 that were getting a pattern to them. For the last few days it had been off and on with contractions,but nothing staying consistent at all. I had an appointment with Cindy that morning at 10 and was hoping something would start happening soon! I just was ready to start labor and have my Aaron here! When Cindy checked me she said I was at 2 cnm and very soft. She said it won't be long and she expected him by the weekend! Contractions were getting stronger and more consistent too. When we got home I ate a good meal and tried to lay down. I could't sleep or lay through the contractions though. So I got in the shower and then I let Tammy know I wanted her to come down that afternoon. I was so hungry too,I think I ate like 5 different small meals before 7 that night! I was drinking so much water that I was peeing so much too. It was very different from my labor with Daniel. I think Tammy checked me around 5 or so and I was at 5 cnm and Aaron was still looking to my right. The contractions really started coming on then. Wow. I definitely remembered what they felt like and that these were the real thing. The back labor was horrible. Tammy and Mike would put pressure on my back during them and I just breathed through them. It was bad though. Daniel was playing and not paying me-in pain- any attention. We let Robyn know we would need her that night and to be ready to come. No position really helped with the contractions. I would just lean over the bar and they would press on my back while I breathed through them and prayed God please help me. I think it was around 9 that Tammy checked me again and I was at 7 cnm with a good size bag of water. I was starting to get chills by this time and Tammy said to let Robyn know to come on down so we could get going to the hospital. So we got the last minute things together and Daniel was asleep by now. I just don't remember how he got there,I know Mike did it,but I was so focused I can't remember even now. Oh the contractions were getting harder and harder. Robyn made it there by 10 and we ended up leaving about 11 or so. Thank goodness the ride there wasn't that bad and that we live like 15 minutes from USA. They got me right in a room and Cindy was on her way too. I got changed and they had me signing different things and going over my birth plan. Our nurse,Mary Ellen, was great too! She came in once when I was in labor with Daniel I remember. They didn't do an immediate IV,but whatever that is they put in your hand so in case they need one for emergency. By this time I was beginning to vocalize and internalize. It was really weird too. Cindy made it in like 20-30 minutes,she lives about 30-40 minutes from USA. She told us she knew we'd be coming back so she took a nap and filled up her gas tank. A little later she wanted to check me and see how things were. I was at like 8 cnm,but some cervix was still in the way they kept saying. He had turned back completely posterior too. I don't remember everything from this point. I was very focused on contractions and just making it through them. I'm telling you if women did remember the pain of them I don't think the world would be populated as much. They hurt so bad. Cindy checked again sometime and broke my water by accident. Wow, I had a lot too. After that happened, it took like 45 minutes and I started having strong urges to push. They would check me during that and it actually didn't feel too bad. Some cervix was still in the way,but they thought getting me in different positions would help it move and Aaron to come down more. They could actually see his head and that he had dark hair! I was so excited and just knew I was going to have him soon! So I got on the birthing stool some,squatted some,did hands and elbows on the bed,and walked some. MY goodness the urge to push was crazy. I never had that sort of urge with Daniel. I was feeling pressure from his head too somewhere. When they told me to get on my hands and elbows or chest I told them I just can't do that. Well, I did with their help,but my gosh it was hard. They had to put pressure on my back too,it was so painful. I then laid on my back and pulled my knees up so they could check me. All 3 of them did,but the cervix just wasn't moving. They all really thought I would have him vaginally,you could hear it in their voice and see it on their face. Tammy told me once, "Heather, you'll have Aaron in your arms soon." I thought thank God,this hurts! I pushed for about 2 hours I think. I was starting to swell down there,but not to the point of danger. Mike was doing great too. He kept encouraging me,but it was very hard for him to see me in that sort of pain. They let him see Aaron's head and he was amazed. But he said he thought they were going to kill me when they were checking me trying to figure out why the cervix wouldn't move. When they figured out he just wasn't coming they got another nurse to come in and check me. Tammy told me I'm so sorry Heather,but your pubic bone is flat he isn't going to come out with his size and position. I mean what else was there to do? I had labored almost 10 hours hard. Cindy suggested 2 things: We could try an epi so I could rest some and mabye he would turn or we could just go with a c/s. They both said there was no promising he would turn and it would work,but we could try. So Cindy and Mary Ellen left the room,while Tammy stayed in there with us. I wanted to cry so bad,but I was hurting so bad and pushing so hard I couldn't. I thought all my labor and hard work,but not the outcome again I wanted and really everyone expected this time. Tammy and Cindy got pretty emotional when they were telling me that we had to do one of the two options. The whole time there they kept telling me how good I was doing and how I was a great laboring woman. Like I said up till about 3 or 4 they had no clue it wasn't going to work vaginally. It was pretty much a shock to them all I think and upsetting. Mike said he would rather go with the c/s and Tammy said she thought that would be best. I thought about it and I didn't want to continue to push and damage myself (I had no clue at the time my uterus was torn to pieces) only to end up with a c/s,but not be awake. So I said let's get a spinal and do the c/s. I knew I had done all I could do,I really did. Why it did not work out I have no clue. I have asked God and no answer,I may never get one. But I can feel good that I did try and I stuck with my convictions even though it hurt like heck. I would do it all over again too,even knowing the outcome. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. Once I made that decision I wanted relief and I wanted it now. I didn't get mean,but I kept asking when they were going to stop the pain. Finally, about 30 minutes later they got me to the surgery room. Those contractions were right on top of each other too,I know I scared some people. I wasn't screaming,but I was moaning and trying to just make it. Thankfully, they got the spinal block taken care of and got surgery started. I was a lot more alert this time and I was scared too. I hated the thought of them cutting me open,through 5 layers of tissue. Tammy was in there with us. She was my "sister" for the time being. Mike was right there with me too. The guy who did the spinal was funny and kept me laughing a lot. I realized I was tired,but I never went to sleep,it wasn't like it was with Daniel. Then, I heard a cry and I knew my baby was okay! They all told me I had a linebacker! I knew he was big,but not sure how big. He was 9 lbs 10 oz and 22 inches long. Not eating sweets and drinking sodas constantly didn't help him,but it sure helped me! I think I'll just have big babies,which is fine with me,as long as they are healthy! It took them awhile to sew me back up. I did remember with Daniel it went faster,so I was praying nothing was wrong. The head Dr. doing the surgery,Dr. Brooks, ticked me off too. She asked us if we were planning on having more children? I thought that's an odd question. We told her we weren't sure,but ultimately God was the only one who knew. She said, "If you do,you need to come in at 39 weeks for a scheduled c/s and do not labor at all." I told her I would do it all over again just the same. She then said "Don't do it while I'm here then." Okay,how rude. She didn't say anything about why she said that obviously I guess they have to wait till later? They finally finished with the surgery and moved me to the recovery room. I got to see Aaron while they were sewing me up. He looked just like Daniel did,it was unreal!! He was definitely a chunk too! He was hungry too,I kept telling him that Momma was going to feed him. Once we got to the recovery room,Cindy and Tammy finally got him latched on. He fed for an hour and 15 minutes! The downhill slide started here. I'll stop here and continue with another entry on the stay and days following. I am very glad the interventions are available,but I did not think I would need it this time. God has been healing me and I'll talk about that too. I'm glad Aaron got the benefit of labor and wasn't rushed off to have oxygen b/c of meds I put in my body. He was perfect when he came out,with a perfect color. I know I did my best and God has reasons for some things. Like I told Him the other day, the only thing I can say is this is for Your Glory,though I do not understand. It's been very emotional mentally,almost more than I could handle. Without Mike and Tammy being able to talk with I would be a basket case. I may never know why I could not vaginally birth my 2 boys though I feel it is the best way and the way God intended. All I can do is say okay God You know best and bring glory to Yourself through this. How will He? I have no clue. Maybe I can minister to women who want a vaginal birth,but don't get them. I do know I am thankful I have Aaron here and he is very healthy. I love Daniel and Aaron so much and I would do both labors all over again just for them. Like one song says, "I don't understand Your ways,but oh I will give You my pain. Cause with it You are drawing me closer,drawing me into Your ways."

Happy Mother's Day!

My other angle on the way,16 weeks.

Daniel was so tired on the way home from church.

How precious!!

This was my second Mother's Day. Wow, I'm a Mother. It is still sinking into my little brain. What a blessing it is to be a Mother. I never dreamed I'd have children at the age of 24 and love it! Daniel is such a blessing. He's so adorable,sweet,loving,and funny. I don't know what I would do without him. I remember the days before him,but can't imagine life without him now. Oh and my other little one on the way. I am truly blessed. I'll have another little boy or a little girl that I can train in God's word,shower with love,and laugh with. I really never understand a Mother's love,until now. It has really shed a new light on the love God has for me. It's amazing and indescribable. I don't see how God turned his back on Jesus while he took our sin upon him and died on the cross. What a bittersweet occasion. I could never give my children up for others. I would do and do anything for Daniel and the baby. Daniel is at an amazing age. He's learning so much and teaching me so much. As I sit here writing,he's at my feet playing with his ABC magnets and a box,talking away. How can people harm these innocent angels?

I used to want to be in the law firm,then I wanted to do overseas missions. I still want to do mission work,but I've realized a lot. I have the greatest job,if you want to call it that, in the world. I am teaching Daniel to be kind,loving,caring,respectful,and gentle. I am modeling what his wife should be like,a Godly wife/mother. I could have possibly be going down another road right now,if I would have listened to my own will. I could possibly be in a foreign country with no husband or children. Oh what I would be missing! My passion to reach others has turned to reaching my own son and baby on the way. It's funny how God will mold you,but not mold you how you expect Him too. You pray mold me,Lord and use me. Most of the time He does it in a way you would never believe.

The Proverbs 31 Woman takes on a whole new meaning for me. Especially verse 28, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. " I pray my children will be able to arise and call me blessed one day. A lot of my views on things have changed. You really never know that love until you are giving that love. I have a picture frame above our bed that says, "Love grows by giving. The only love we keep is the love we give away." How true that is. Love also never stops giving. I wouldn't trade anything for the smiles Daniel gives me,even in the womb. One of the ultrasound pictures we have of him, he is smiling so big! It's amazing!! And he still has that same grin that we love. I thank God for allowing me to be a Mother. I'm not worthy of the calling,nor do I deserve such wonderful children,but He has entrusted them to Mike and I.

As for my second Mother's Day. It was wonderful! We went to church,enjoyed a powerful message,then came home. We picked up some Churches chicken and ate at home. It was nice. I received 2 books: 5 Minutes A Day:365 Devotional For Women and Pray Big For Your Child: The Power of Praying God's Promises for Your Child's Life by Will Davis Jr. Next year I'll have my 2 year old and 7 month old baby to celebrate with! How exciting and rewarding. Oh no one could make a paycheck out enough for the rewards I receive daily. Moms are paid with hugs and kisses. That's what I have learned most about being a Mother, my reward isn't earthly,but heavenly. How amazing!

Happy Mother's Day to all you Momma's and Momma's to be!! God Bless you!

I've been MIA!

I wanted to update everyone on us and what's been going on. I'm 14 weeks and 6 days pregnant! It is really going fast! I can't believe I'm almost 4 months! Daniel will be 15 months on the 26th and he's growing like a weed. My last few dr. visits have been going well. My blood pressure is good and I've gained like 1 lb. I gained 3 once,then lost them and gained 1 back. Cindy was extremely happy! I've not really done anything to not gain it besides drink water instead of anything else. We're hoping this time if the baby isn't in position he/she will be small enough to turn in the womb,unlike Daniel who couldn't. Since I am attempting a VBAC I ordered some Red Raspberry Leaf Team,thanks to Erika, that will help my uterus be stronger. It should be here tomorrow. I feel great! I'm in my 2nd trimester and energy has picked up. The morning sickness is gone also! I get plenty of exercise with Daniel,but haven't been out walking. The heat has picked up here and the only time I would prefer to do it is the afternoon. Since Mike has been on day shift I am cooking supper and by the time we're done eating it's time for Daniel's bath. Sooo ... Cindy said I was doing great to not be walking. She said walk when I can for endurance,but she also said I did pretty stinking good last time. ha! Daniel and I heard the heartbeat this past appointment and all the noises in the womb scared him. He cried and was shaking until she found the heartbeat. I go back May 20th and in June we'll find out the sex of the baby. I am SO excited!! We still haven't agreed on names,though I have some I really like. Michael Elijah,Michael Timothy,Madalyn Kate,Elizabeth Kate,and I really like Esther or Ruth. I'd have to sedate Mike to get him to agree to either of those names though! Keep praying for a healthy pregnancy,baby,and delivery!

Daniel is growing so much! He's so adorable and so friendly. His favorite word is ball or dada. He attempts to say a lot haha Only Mike and I know what he is trying to say. It's like our secret code. He's still sleeping on an air mattress in our room,but occasionally climbs into bed with us in the wee morning hours. He always tries to communicate with people wherever we are. Most of them think it's cute. He is such a social baby. He's just so sweet too. He's gotten more affection lately,which I'm glad about. He'll give us sugar and hug us. He still does not like the vacuum at all. He doesn't like to be awake in a room with the door shut even if we are in there with him. He isn't a bad child or a tantrum thrower. Thankfully, we started dealing with that not long ago. He knows that isn't appropriate and if he does it he gets in trouble for it. He just has no patients for anything. I tried teaching him some sign language. He actually will sign more sometimes. He's really smart too,I have to remind myself he is only 15 months. Oh and he loves the outdoors!! He would live out there if we let him. He also looooves dogs and horses! He likes to watch The Andy Griffith Show and Bonanza,yes he does. He's not much on cartoons. We have 2 stations,but I don't like them. So on CTN at 3 Christian cartoons or shows come on and he watches those. Too bad he is asleep right now,his favorite is coming on. Though, he won't sit for long and watch t.v. Guess that's a good thing. He also loves taking a bath and loves water. Oh and he's getting so attached to Mike. It's sweet. When he wakes up from his naps he runs to our bedroom window to look for his Daddy,then run to the door,and back to the window. I know once he is older they'll be inseparable. My lil' baby boy will not want me as much as he once did. That's sad. But I'll soon have another baby!


Mike left today to go work the Nascar Race in Talladega,AL. He'll be back Sunday. We miss him already,just pray Daniel will be okay. He cried and cried when he left. I had to chase him around the house and act goofy so he would stop. Tomorrow my SIL(my brother's wife) will be induced and likely have Asher Drake that night or so. It'll be their 3rd child. They have 2 girls. So my Momma and the 2 girls are coming down tomorrow and will stay with us tomorrow night. They'll be down most all day Saturday too. Daniel is going to love this! He loooves playing with Tabitha and Marley. It'll help keep his attention off of Daddy not coming in every afternoon too. Pray for Mike's safety as well as the others at the races. It gets pretty rowdy.


We made it to church Easter Sunday and last Sunday. Daniel did good. He's still learning we have to be quiet,which is something most kids his age aren't good at when they need to be. He doesn't bother me,but they'd rather the kids be in the back. I probably won't go this Sunday. We'll be awaiting Mike's arrival. I'll probably have something cooked and we'll relax the rest of the day/night. That's pretty much all that's been happening. We are still putting back for a vehicle. We won't buy a new one,but a used one. We'll have a note,but it won't be a big deal. We also have to think about where to go from here(our apartment). Once this baby arrives I'll have to stick to my charting info and we'll have to wait for another baby at least 2 years. We will have to find a bigger home(Mobile or a house) to live in. This tiny apartment is already running out of room. Oh goodness, we have some cleaning to do before baby arrives too. Right now we're just content with life. God has been and still is so good to us. We could not have made it without Him,and not just in the "big" things. In everything. I hope all is well with you ladies. I am just really busy! ha! And some people think SAHM don't do anything! Between taking care of the house,myself,Mike,and Daniel I have no time left. I'm happy with that though. I love my life and I love being busy for the Lord. Have a wonderful week!! God Bless!

Are you in a valley?

It's been so long since I've written a post like I want too. I've been so busy and just not online much. I miss everyone's blogs,but for now you're in my thoughts.

I did want to post something. Mike and I were talking a couple of weeks ago and we were talking and trials. He said everyone is always sad about going through a valley,but in the valley is where there is fresh water . I really never thought of that. It's true though. You get water to go up the mountain. Just a thought to ponder on.

I've been acting so selfish. I feel like we are in a place Job was in, in many ways. I started reading Job last week. I have decided instead of complain about things I'll praise about them. It's so hard when you feel you are doing everything is right. We've been through so much in the past,I know this is just a small thing. It's just still hard. It's just everyday life,nothing in particular concerning children or marriage. I'm just going to praise Him through the storm!

I'm doing good. I don't feel sick now,just so tired and SO hungry! Mike leaves Saturday for 5 days. So keep him in your prayers,as well as us. Daniel is growing and learning. I go back to the CNM March 19th and I'll hear the heartbeat!!

Much love to all!

well.........

God has decided to add to our family! I missed my period yesterday and took a test this morning. The result was pregnant. I never miss my period. I'll take another one in the morning,then Monday I'm calling my CNM and going to schedule an appointment. We're both really excited! I am not terrified like I was with Daniel. We do have to get another vehicle now. Our truck will not be big enough. So be praying for us. I know God will supply our needs. He always has. We told our parents and they are excited, a little hesitant I think,but excited. We don't plan or not plan our children,God plans them. He knew this baby before he formed it in my womb,it says so in Jeremiah 1:5. God knows when to give us children,so we won't question Him. :-) If anyone has any advice on safe exercises,food,or anything else I'll take it! I'm already looking at names!


We are getting new cabinets this week starting Wednesday. I hate taking stuff out when I have it organized, so pray peace for us. We'll probably leave the house that day so Daniel will be able to nap, he won't if we stay here and they're beating and making noise. I'll be back later on. God Bless!

whew, it's been a looong week!

It feels like this week had lasted forever for some reason. Daniel turned 1 on Monday and it was so hard to believe in some ways,but not in others. He is so grown up acting and independent for the most part. Mike had to work Monday so the party was Thursday,but I looked at the schedule wrong and he was working that day too. It all worked out though. Our vacuum cleaner broke again. Our maintenance man told Mike how to fix it,but he didn't get it fixed. We'll just have to get another I guess. It has been nice weather and Thursday it got cooler. I love this time of the year,I love cold weather!

The party went great! We got cleaned up for it and everything was ready when the families got here. All were present except my Daddy and brother-in-law,they were sick. I baked cupcakes with the confetti mix and decorated them with blue icing,red sprinkles,and green sprinkles. They were cute! I got decorating tips to decorate with. I really enjoy baking and such. I had a blast during Christmas doing all the candy and pies! We had chips,dip,cookies,and drinks. Our apartment is pretty small when you pack almost 20 people in it haha The kids had fun,including Daniel. Mike's brother has 2 girls and my brother has 2 girls,the same ages. So they paired up and played. Landon just played with everyone and Daniel was squealing with delight! The adults mingled and chatted. Our family friend Brian was here too. Well, it's Mike's best friend. Actually, I used to date him haha We dated off and on for 2 years and I just knew that was my husband,funny how God works huh? Well, we're very close to his family. Amy the woman I have wrote about previously is his younger sister. Anyways. He fits right in! We didn't get Daniel anything for his birthday,just 2 shirts. He really didn't need any toys and I found these clothes back in November on sale. I don't really want him to think just because we are celebrating his birthday it means he has to receive presents. My parents didn't have to money for a gift,but she got something anyways. They got him a nice,thick jacket for next year. Mike's family got him a rocking horse (he LOVES horses dearly),a few shirts,and some pajama's. He also got some books,a Sheriff gun and badge,and a Playskool Swing 'n Score baseball. So it wasn't that much and I was glad. It was so nice having our families here! I love to have people over,but with the drive and all, we don't get many visitors. Mike said he was proud of me for planning Daniel's first party. Wow, I mean I am a Mom. I have a 1 year old son. I just never thought I would,not this soon. I'll be 26 February 20th and got married when I was 23. It's like sometimes I'm living on the outside looking in. It's really neat. Children are not a burden,but a blessing. Yes, there are very challenging,hectic,hard,and bad days,but isn't that with everything? Without struggle we don't grow, is what I believe and from experience I know. I feel sorry for those couples who do not want children,what a blessing they are missing. It's so neat to watch Daniel grow and learn. I never paid attention in detail to Tabitha and Marley while they were his age,but I notice everything with him. He can do something a hundred times and I still swoon and say 'Look baby, look what he's doing!' Mike says 'I know baby, he's been doing it.' He truly has won my heart. Between him and his Daddy I don't know if there is anymore to give out. ;-D

We have done so well budgeting so far. I am really proud of us for listening to God and disciplining ourselves. We cut our power bill,tithe,and paid the phone bill. We were able to give the money we wanted for the missionary couple and VOM. It feels good to budget and stay in order. We were wanting to give out,but were not being a good steward of what He was giving us. We realized if we didn't get a hold on it,then He would not give us more to be a steward of. We also put back the amount for our family savings. I think $6 every check will be good to start off. We are also putting back a $1 every day for Daniel,so when he turns 18 he will have some money to either get married with,start in ministry with,or college with. Mike makes good money,well enough for us to live on. For starters, we don't live outside of our means. We drive a '97 Ford F150 and live in a 2 bedroom apartment, that really isn't modern in it's decorating and appliances. God has blessed us here though. We get free rent; We got a brand new fridge last January or February; We are getting new cabinets and granite counter tops in the kitchen,bathroom,and vanity area next week; We also don't wear name brand clothes,unless they are on sale. I love name brand clothes,but I'm not paying $30 for a shirt or $50 for a purse. The scripture is true when it says in Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Is it bad to have nice things? Nope,but if it is causing you to not be a good steward of the money God has given you, then you should rethink how you are spending it. It is His money in the first place,we are only borrowing it. So we are setting out to try and give more to others and live comfortably,but not beyond our means. I never want to have to work outside of the home because of our spending. I never want Mike to have to work 2 jobs because our spending. So we'll sacrifice somethings,but really it's not a sacrifice for us that much.

Oh the True Woman study I'm doing through email is amazing! I got behind yesterday because I was so busy. So I have to listen to Day 8 & 9 tonight. I am really learning new things and seeing where change needs to take place. I want to be the woman God wants me to be,the wife God wants me to be,and the mother God wants me to be. I cannot be those apart from Him though. I encourage anyone that wants to be a Biblical,submissive wife more than you are or aren't now,to try this study. Well, I should be going. Daniel has been playing with his toys and squealing,but it's close to his bedtime and mine too. The post about my Daddy is before this one,so please check it out.

time to get real and raw

I rarely write about what I struggle with. I blame it on not wanting to look ungrateful to others or because they may want what I have,but don't have it. I am very grateful for things in my life,but sometimes my life is hard,harder than what I think it should. And that goes back to my small mind-ness. Anyways. I'm just thinking tonight and felt like writing. It's so hard to be raw and open,but when I see some of you do it, it helps me.

My husband's job can be so stressful at times. It keeps him tired and with the new 8 hour days cutting into the used-to-be 3 or 4 off days. I've mentioned before that he is a Highway Patrolman,State Trooper, or State Police(some states call them). A lot of people really don't know what their jobs are like. They have one of the highest divorce rates and no I'm not even contemplating divorce,just stating the fact. Each department is run differently. When he first moved over here the scheduling wasn't so bad. After a year almost they switched them from 10 hour to 8 hour days. The hour part is good,but also with good comes the bad. He used to have 3 or 4 days off,but now it's 1 or 2 days off. Without Daniel it wasn't as bad,but now it's bad. Some days I'm just so sick of his job and others I'm not. God uses him at his job though. I know God has us in this field for a purpose,but it's still hard sometimes. I just long for the day when we are doing something more productive,or what I think is more productive. And the *I* word can get ya in lots of trouble,so that's why I have to remind myself that God is working and has our future mapped out how HE wants it. I am assured of that because of what Jeremiah 29:11 says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Law Enforcement families truly do go through a lot and sacrifice a lot. It's too sad most are looked at as jerks. They're human like everyone else. They can be rude or jerky at times,but it's like with Christians,they're not all that way. It's a very dangerous job too,very. Mike loves it though. I am very proud of his job and how he conducts himself,but it can just be tiring. Much like I've heard many say full time ministry can be.

We still struggle with money. I'm not sure what we're doing wrong. It's not too much of an issue because we both were not rich by any means growing up. Of course there are times that I wish I could do more,but it's not something I am stressed over. I know it does bother Mike though. I know he doesn't provide for me like he wishes he could. I have no complaints though. We have a home,food,clothes,and we get to spend on somethings we want. This has become our life verse, But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

This I know most of you can relate too and for those who cannot, this is why I do not like to talk about it. I don't want to sound ungrateful at all. It is really tough being a Mother. Wow. I never knew it would be this tough. Then again I talk to some Moms and it's a breeze for them. Daniel is a high needs child. It's not a disorder or anything like that. Dr. Sears explains it like this: They need more attention from parents,more guidance in play,more of everything,but sleep that is. Wow, when I read that sentence I was relieved that there are other babies like Daniel Paul. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. When I was around my nieces at Daniel's age, they were nothing like this and that's all I had to compare too. He's a live wire. I'm constantly on the go. He doesn't like to be still for half a second. ha! My Mother said I was the exact same way. Of course he hasn't always been that way,but once he hit about 7 months wow. Life really changed. I love him so much! I am not complaining,just admitting that I struggle. Sometimes I just don't know how to handle him or how to just wind him down. Thankfully, he's started to go to bed at a decent hour,wakes up throughout the night,but that's normal. Some days it's all I can do to eat,shower,and brush my teeth. Though I know I am doing a lot of things that my SIL didn't do and even my sister isn't doing that is looked at more sacrificial on my part. I'll do anything for that child though. I guess all first time Moms just feel overwhelmed and not really confident all the time,or maybe just all Moms do?

Then it's the big one. I'm scared out of my wits to have another baby. Can I handle the pain again? Can I handle another child? I'm going to attempt a VBAC. I say attempt because that's all I can do. I can't control birth,I tried that with Daniel and well it didn't work too well. God knows what will happen and that's all I can put my trust in. But I'm such a wimp and all. It was only God I made it through 42 hours of labor! I quoted scripture over and over. Particularly, 2 because well that's all my mouth could get out ha! Those contractions were pretty intense. I'm just scared. I guess all women are. I talk to some who are not scared at all and are so confident. The lady who was my Doula has 7 kids and she's open to more always. I love watching big families,but I stress too quickly. I flip out too fast. We are by no means stopping anything God wants. I'm not on birth control (the medication) and well we get intimate when we want too pretty much. I try to chart my fertility because I would like to know when I'm fertile and ovulate,but we don't not get intimate because I may be fertile. Sorry TMI! I'm just scared. I don't want another C-section,it's safer for me not to have another one. I'm reading a great book about VBAC deliveries and it is helping,but I am still scared.

So there ya go. Some stuff I am thinking about right now or pretty lately. I know God knows this all and He has it all in His hands. Thankfully, throughout my pregnancy God taught me to really trust Him with all things. It was so hard,but I learned a little bit and am still learning. So just keep me and us in your prayers. God Bless!

Fall is here

As we woke up yesterday morning it was cold,colder than it usually is this time of the year. I sent my hubby off to work and played with Daniel. Fall was officially here a few weeks ago,but it's actually starting to look like it and feel like it. I love fall/autumn season! The colors are pretty,the air is crisp,and there's a wonderful holiday to celebrate! Last night we had our first cup of hot chocolate and this morning I had some coffee. We love hot chocolate and smores! Yes, last year I did not eat many smores due to being pregnant and trying to not put much weight on Daniel. Well, this year I'll indulge myself!

As I lay in bed last night, I thought about how blessed I am. God is so good! He is so faithful! I truly would have never dreamed that I would been married right now and have a baby. Those who know me very well, knew had badly I wanted to be a wife. Well, with that desire came many immature decisions. I'll have to write about that someday. God continually had His hand on me guiding me to where He wanted me.

I am very blessed to have a wonderful,loving,God-fearing husband. He takes such good care of me. I remember the day when I knew Mike was the one God had for me. It really blew me away,but yet it came softly. We went through so much being apart for 6 months of our relationship,but God used it to help us grow stronger in Him and one another. I think he is the funniest man alive and I think he is the most heroic at the same time. My love for him grew from friendship to intimate in 6 years.

I am also very blessed to have a adventurous,high spirited,funny little baby boy. Daniel has brought new meaning to life. I now can get a glimpse of God's love for us and for his son. I wasn't prepared at all for being pregnant,a baby, or to be a mother,even though God revealed it to me in 3 dreams 3 months before I got pregnant. I love Daniel Paul so much! He is so energetic,so full of life,and loves me so much! I see that little human being and can't imagine life without Daniel. He is just so precious!

Wow, there are so many more things that I am blessed with. I could write and go on and on. Today Daniel has been crawling around getting into things or as others would say "exploring". He keeps me on my toes,that's for sure. I wonder if all babies are this way? My nieces sure weren't. Mike says I'm just not used to boys. He's such a little boy! Tomorrow and Thursday my husband will have off. We have one major thing to do,get our heater fixed in our truck. Other than that, it should be laid back. His off days go so fast it seems. Saturday my oldest niece,Tabitha, will turn 7 years old. Wow, where has the time gone? I remember my SIL when she was pregnant with her and when she had her. We were all so happy and excited! She was the first grand baby for my parents and first time I was Aunt Header(as they used to pronounce it). Mike has off that day too,so hopefully we'll be able to go to the family party. This past week my other SIL(Robyn,Mike's oldest sis) turned 25. It's hard to believe we're done with college at SBC. She's working there as a secretary and I'm married with a baby. Who would have thought it? Not us for sure. Daniel also turned 9 months on Sunday! Where did that time go? I still can picture him nursing so sweetly and falling asleep. He was so small and so alert too. Now, he's crawling,standing up,smiling at us,laughing at us,and jabbering all the time. This is why I can't let housework be more important. If I don't watch it,he'll be done with the homeschooling program,ready to do what God has for him. Yes, we plan on homeschooling. We both attended public schools and came out fine,but it's A LOT different than 9-12 years ago. I just pray I'm a good teacher. I've never been one to teach.

Oh, he's started crawling away or trying to hide whatever he has when I tell him no or go to get it. Sneaky lil' boy! He will have to be taught that is no,since he has done very good with No, Daniel,here is this. Training Daniel isn't hard as much as it is inconvenient. By that I mean, if I'm washing dishes and he tries to pull the radio off the shelf, I have to stop what I'm doing and go over there. So I'll just stop what I'm doing each time and go get what he has. I want him to be pleasant to be around and he is. It's amazing! At church in the nursery, when someone says no, he immediately stops and looks at them or if we're at the family or friends he does the same thing. He doesn't destroy things(except paper or napkins) or fuss all the time. So I am blessed and thankful we are starting early with Daniel,as opposed to some parents. He also runs now when I go to chase him and play. It's so cute! He stops after a few minutes,looks at you,and goes to crawl away again. We have fun doing that during the day! I love staying home with him! I just can't wait until I can begin teaching him scripture and reading the Bible to him and him understand it. We're going to train and teach Daniel to love God and be a warrior for him,to be in love with Jesus and want to be like him,and to always be in prayer. Well, I am off now! I am enjoying getting to know you ladies more!

Here are some verses I really love.

Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession.
Psalm 2:8

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33

Favorite song

I bought the new Casting Crowns cd Thursday and it is so great!! I love this group! They're so real and anointed! One of my favorite songs off the cd called the Altar and the Door is called The Word Is Alive. Oh I love it! It really ministered to me this morning. I wanted to share it. Check out their new cd and their other previous cd's.

Looking out from His throne, the Father of light and of men
Chose to make Himself known and show us the way back to Him
Speaking wisdom and truth into the hearts of peasants and kings
He began to unveil the Word that would change the course of all things

With eyes wide open, all would see

The Word is aliveAnd it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless and afraid
Breathing life into all who believe
The Word is alive
And the world and its glories will fade
But His truth, it will not pass away
It remains yesterday and forever the same
The Word is alive

Simple strokes on a page
Eternity's secrets revealed, carried on from age to age
It speaks Truth to us even still
And as the rain falls from Heaven, feeds the earth before it returns
Lord, let Your Word fall on us and bring forth the fruit You deserve

With eyes wide open, let us see

Chorus)*PERSON ON MEGA PHONE*The Bible was inscribed over a period of 2000 years.
In times of War and Days of Peace.
By Kings, Physician, Tax Collectors, Farmers, Fisherman, Singers and Shepherds.
The Marvel is that a library so perfectly cohesive.
To be produced by a diverse crowd.
Over a period of time, which stagers the imagination.
Jesus is his greatest Subject.
Our good is designed and Glory of GOD is its Greatest end.(Chorus)

The Word is alive
And it cuts like a sword through the darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless and afraid
Breathing life into all who believe
The Word is aliveAnd the world and its glories will fade
But His truth, it will not pass away
It remains yesterday and forever the same
The Word is alive

The Word is alive
His Word is alive

Do you believe the Word is alive? Wow! I mean those words on the pages of the Bible are alive as you and I are. That is just so awesome! It still leaves me in awe sometimes. They aren't just words,but they are alive and they speak life into our dry souls! Amen!

What's a favorite passage of scripture or verse you have?

Be blessed!!

I started another blog,it's on my Profile page. It's a picture blog!

What Giants Do You Face?

My morning devotion was about exhaustion,fighting,and struggles. I felt the need to share it with ya'll.

Here is the passage Beth used.

15 Moreover the Philistines had yet war again with Israel; and David went down, and his servants with him, and fought against the Philistines: and David waxed faint.
16 And Ishbibenob, which was of the sons of the giant, the weight of whose spear weighed three hundred shekels of brass in weight, he being girded with a new sword, thought to have slain David.
17 But Abishai the son of Zeruiah succoured him, and smote the Philistine, and killed him. Then the men of David sware unto him, saying, Thou shalt go no more out with us to battle, that thou quench not the light of Israel.
II Samuel 21:15-17

She talked about being tired in battle and tired of fighting the same ol' giants. The Hebrew word for exhausted is "uwph" and it means "to cover,to fly,to faint,to flee away". It reminded me of giants I have faced and continue to face. I face the giant of fear. As a child, my father watched scary movies and I watched them too. He was just fascinated with sci-fi movies and flicks. I don't remember watching them,so much at a young age,but boy I do while I was a teen. Those images come back every now and then. At one time, I was so scared I would pray myself to sleep. Fear overtook me and consumed me. I wasn't afraid during the day,but at night is when it set in. The demonic forces of evil that stems from the horror movies are so dangerous and it affected me so much. I literally was scared to walk out to the car at night and when I would close my eyes I would see horrible images. Now, it wasn't all my father's fault. I begin craving the movies. I would watch them and be thinking, what am I doing, I know I'm going to be terrified afterwards! Finally, I realized I did not need to put those movies into my mind. Why put in what terrifies me? I thought that I would battle with this forever.

Once I moved out and declared nothing scary would come across my t.v.,radio,or enter my home I saw what a difference it made in me. I'm not scared to walk around my own home at night or sleep without my husband at home. God has helped me overcome that fear,but sometimes it still arises. I quote scripture and bind the demonic forces in the name of Jesus. They have to flee at the name of Jesus! Sometimes we help bring on giants and other times it's not our fault. If you are facing giants from your past,just remeber that you have the Light of the world in you! Jesus is greater than any struggle or strong hold! In I John 4:4 it says, Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. With the Word you can overcome whatever giant is coming against you.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: I Peter 5:8 Don't give up! Keep guarding your heart and equipping yourself with the Word! We may never know why some struggles keep reappearing and other times they reappear because we did not get what God was trying to do in us. If you are weary in fighting,come to the Lord. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 You can slay the giant just as David did. Just go to God! Which giants do you need to slay today?

Emmanuel-God with us

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.
John 1:14

Doing my study this morning I thought about the people in the Old Testament. They didn't have the presence of God with them,but the presence of God was the Ark of the Covenant. I thought how many times have I taken forgranted God's presence? Shamefully, too many times. I have the Holy Spirit inside of me and he goes where I go. They didn't have that in the O.T. Sometimes I think it may have made some of them more faithful or grateful. They had to sacrifice animals for remission of their sins,as where we have Jesus who was sacrificed for our sins. Do we truly know how blessed we are?

Ponder on that, if you will. God bless!

Testimony

I really don't know what I want to use this blog for. I'm leaning towards posting things God gives me to share and just scripture. I've never had one of this so I'm new at learning how to work everything. I'll give some background for those who may not know me very well. My name is Heather and I live in Southern Alabama. I grew up in Southeast Mississippi with my parents,older brother,and younger sister. At age 10 I received Christ as my Savior. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church until I was in the 7th grade and then we started going to a small Missionary Baptist church where my brother was Youth Leader. I was a shy girl who didn't say much. I wasn't popular in high school,but some "in crowd" were people I grew up with. I wasn't into partying or things associated with it. My best friend was my sister,Haley,and my Mom,Bhrenda. I was a nerd in some people's eyes. I lived in the country and loved every minute of it. After I graduated high school I wasn't sure what I needed to do. I dreamed of being a housewife,but had no finance or boyfriend for that matter. I dated a lot and some were serious,but none of them were the right fit so to say.

I begin babysitting for a couple and tried to help out at home with money. It was about this time that I met some people that would forever change my life. I went out to a devotion with a childhood friend of mine for fellowship really,but I was introduced to something that really opened my eyes. These people were different,but not different. The difference was they had a relationship with Christ,like on a daily basis. Of course I had a relationship,but I wasn't discipled. Once I begin going to the Missionary Baptist church I prayed and asked forgiveness of my sins when I would sin,but something was missing. I did not understand how much Jesus wanted to pursue me,how much he wanted to reign in my life,how much he wanted to work in my life. I continued to go out to the devotions with Johnathan and I would just observe how these people worshipped,prayed,and lived daily. They lived crucifed lives daily. I did not at that point. While going to devotions I met my future husband,but at the time had no clue God would put us together. I made strong friendships and it was a big part of my life. I still cherish many of the friendships.

I attended a church with a guy I begin to date and I was blown away. Actually I was taken back in my memory to church camp. While I was going to the Missionary Baptist church we would go to church camp and have an amazing time. We could do things there we could not back at church. We felt free and alive in Christ. So while attending that service at Riverside Full Gospel I felt free and alive. I continued to go there and left the other church. God delievered me from somethings and begin to put a desire in me for Him stronger than death. I begin to read my Bible almost all day long sometimes. I begin to learn scripture and hide it in my heart. I begin to pray meaningful prayers. God begin moving in me and it was evident.

In 2003 I went to Honduras on a mission trip and 2 doors were opened. I was offered a job as a secretary for a preacher I knew from childhood and the thought of college was introduced. I started working for Bro. Don H. and then I started classes at Southeastern Baptist College that following August. I met many people and made many friends. God ministered to me there and allowed me to minister to others. I grew while attending SBC and I continued going to Riverside. I joined there drama team in 2004 after a broken engagement. We experienced some radical times and some intimate encoutners. I was humbled to be a part of the Joshua Generation. In 2005 I begin dating with a friend,Mike. of 4 years and realized this was the man God had for me all along. After many heartaches,heartbreaks,and wondering where?who?when?how? I had found my future husband. In May of 2006 I graduated from SBC and Mike proposed June 2,2006. He then graduated the Highway Patrol Academy June 22,2006. After looking for a home and figuring out other things, on December 4,2006 we married. It was one of the best days of my life! I know Mike and I have one of the joyful marriages. God stretched us and molded (still is) us.

In May of 2007 we found out we were expecting a baby. It was shock to me. It really hit me hard. I was so afraid of the actual birth I let it cloud my vision. God helped me through this and my pregnancy was amazing. God taught us to rely on Him for our every need. Somethings if I told them,people wouldn't believe it happened. On January 26,2008 Daniel Paul was born. He is amazing,fun,sweet,precious,and handsome. This isn't the end of my road to glory. Through my years I've lost loved ones and friends. I've been tested,tried,rebuked,rewarded,and tempted. I've been through hard time and been through good times. I've seen mighty acts of God and I've grown so much. I've got a lot further to go. I am just living for His glory. So there's some about me. I guess it's my testimony.