feeling defeated

I'm feeling defeated right now. I'm not sure why. All last year, I let little things defeat me. The smallest thing gets me irritated or defeated. I just don't know why. I have tried and asked the Lord to help me stay calm and cool. I don't want to feel defeated or live defeated. I have all the riches through Christ Jesus and I want to live victorious. *sighs* I just need your prayers.

As I was reading my daily verse it was one that I definitely needed. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32 Thank You,Lord I needed that. I tend to get angry easy. If something doesn't work at first time I get angry. I've always been this way,but my fuse is shorter for some reason now. I'm adding this to my wall with verses taped on it. It's all a part of dying to self. Geeze, who likes to do that? No one really. But like I read in another post we have too.

I have the Charles Stanley Life Principles Bible and love it! Mike got it for me on Mother's Day last year. Here is something that caught my eye in some of the commentary of it. His purpose in allowing a delay to meet your need is to strengthen your faith and reliance on Him, and consequently to wean you of your self-sufficiency.- Charles Stanley. God doesn't delay because He likes to see us in pain,but because He wants us to trust Him more. He wants our faith strong in Him. Ah, Father. Why am I so small minded? We learned through the pregnancy God wants us to just trust Him,with whatever comes our way. It's so hard sometimes,but it's so worth it. Something else I am learning or actually practicing is: God wants to intervene daily and show His mighty power to us. Even if it's small things that don't work out for us. He wants us to ask for His help. He wants things to work for us,not against us. Before I got married or really had Daniel things went smoothly. I mean, when I lived my parents I had no one to think about,but myself. Once I got married I added another person to that,but he could do things for himself. Now, I've got Daniel and well I do everything for him,just about. So now I am learning that when things don't go as planned,God wants me to call on Him. It doesn't have to be some life-threatening ordeal. It can be as simple as I am very tired and worn out,please help Daniel to ease off to sleep. And He does it. In a way, I thought I had a lot figured out,but I didn't ha! How prideful of me! God is teaching me for sure now. I'm willing to let Him because I need Him every day,every minute,every second.

Being a Mother is so rewarding. I love Daniel Paul so much! Goodness, I really can't imagine life without him. I cannot believe he is almost a year old. He is so playful and fun! He's not really affectionate. I thought he would be,since he loved to be held when he was a small infant. It's rare that he lays his head on your shoulder or cuddles up to you in bed. When he does, I treasure the moments! This morning he started crying,so I pulled him to me and he went right back to sleep. It was so sweet! He even snores some hehe.. He likes to play peek a boo now all the time. It's so cute! He is walking too! He started taking steps a few days before Christmas and now he's hardly ever crawling. Wow,times flies! I just can't believe it! He is so smart too! I'll repeat a word to him and point to the object. He stores it away because a few days later I'll say truck and he'll point to it or go get it. hehe.. I love it! He knows what ball,truck,tree,drink,dada,mama,blocks,and duck are so far. He is pretty destructive when playing haha I'll stack the blocks and he'll knock them down. I try to show him how to take them down one at a time,but he insists on knocking them over. He loves music too. It's so awesome! Sometimes he'll try to sing along with music on t.v. Mike calls him our lil' worship leader. When he wakes up from a nap, I go in the room and he reaches out for me. He'll rest his head on my shoulder for a few minutes,then pop up smiling. He's got the best smile in the world! He loves his Daddy. Mike and him rough house and play. He likes to sit on Daddy's shoulders. He's a Mama's boy at heart though. He loves other kids too! He gets SO excited around babies or older kids. Now that he can walk, he'll be following them around. He loves to eat bread,like I did when I was younger. He'll eat somethings when we eat and some baby food still. He just loves bread and chicken. Do I want more? Yes. When? Whenever God sees fit. I never imagined a baby would love me like Daniel does. A baby's love can melt a heart of stone.

Here are some verses from my reading today:

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Philippians 4:11-12