living out ou convictions and more

I am just loving the cool Fall weather here! I'm so glad it's been this way and will continue until weather. It's so nice during the days and nights. I even bought some hot cocoa mix with peppermint in it the other day!! I've been still just trying to adjust to 2 children under the age of 2,wow, it's hard. I know it's hard to an extent for every family,but I really don't feel like I'm cut out for it. I get so mad at Daniel some days,I don't do good on lack of sleep,and I just feel selfish sometimes. That is when I am reminded that if I was wonderful at it I wouldn't have to call on my Lord for His help,so maybe I am cut out for it. I used to think being close to the Lord meant you had to read your Bible everyday and if you didn't it angered Him. Or you had to pray so many hours a day or you just weren't ready for the day or good enough. Now, I'm not saying we don't need to attempt to read our Bible everyday and pray for more than 10 minutes,but I have been learning it's also about living out your convictions.The days we get to read the Bible a lot and pray a lot should prepare us for days we do not get to for some reason. Wow, when I was a Mother of 1 it was hard to do both and now with 2 children it seems nearly impossible.

Really through my 2 pregnancies and births I have saw some things in a new light. I've been wanting to write about them just haven't had the chance and all. I hope the above makes sense.. ? I'll elaborate some. I've always said non-believers in Jesus Christ do not want to be a part of the believers because they don't appear to be much different. Sure they go to church every time the door is open (not saying that is bad at all I actually do miss going all the time) and don't partake in somethings that non-believers do partake in. But is that enough? Really, are those 2 things enough? I do not believe it is enough to win over those who have been scorned or hurt by the Body of Christ. I believe we have to have strong convictions and live them out for those to see we really are different. Some people thought I was being stubborn or I was crazy for not having any pain medication,not vaxing my children,not taking them to any well check ups,and other things we did not do. But I felt very strongly convicted to do what we did and we stuck to it all (within reason of the 2 c/s which I did not plan).Side note: I'm not saying everyone has to do what we did either,lots don't and it doesn't make them not Christians. I could have chose to give in for certain things because family or friends pressured me or questioned me or even made fun of me. We didn't though,we went on with what we felt like God had for our family. To me, that is living out convictions-just one example it may not be a good one I thought it was though. These convictions aren't specifically addressed in the Bible per say,but I feel strongly it is the right way. I believe living out your convictions is very important. Those that are just tossed to and fro on whatever whim that is out there are no different than those who are lost souls. But when the lost souls see people who believe in something strong enough to stick to it then a lot of doors will open for ministry.

I feel a lot better mentally and physically. Goodness last week when I was sick it was bad. I was so defeated in my mind about being able to do it all with Mike being gone to work. I just did not think I could do it. I can do it,but it won't be without challenges. I know that life is full of challenges and there is nothing to do about it,but take them on. It's not been too bad with Mike at work,grant it, it's not running as smoothly as I would like,but it's only been a month since Aaron has been here. So I do know things will get more routine like and better,but not without it's rough spots. The Deplin seemed to help with my incision really. I just kept telling Mike I want my body to be normal again and I thought it never would be. I don't think my body will ever feel really normal,maybe it will,I don't know. But the Deplin has helped the incision to feel different,as in better. I started taking gummy vitamins and Echinacea ( I can never remember how to spell it) too. It's helped me feel better all around. Daniel is doing a lot better,I'm so glad. I really thought we had lost our little boy due to lack of discipline and everything combined. He is listening better than he was and isn't so jealous. Well, he isn't of Aaron and I,but boy he doesn't like Mike to hold Aaron at all. Daniel is going through a transition too I've noticed. He needs Mike way more than he needs me right now and I've heard that is normal for his age. Children need a strong,stable,loving male in their life I believe and that's how I believe God intends for families to be, a Mother and a Father. He is really clinging to Mike. Children need and want boundaries and limits,they make them feel secure. Without them they feel out of control I believe and not secure. Daniel still has a long way to go,but he is doing better than he was. He is very strong willed,demanding,high need,and high strung. Aaron seems so different already. He is very laid back and loves to sleep or cuddle. He wants to be fed,changed,put to sleep,and left alone. He does like to be held,I think most babies do at this age, but he will go to sleep on his own. He just seems very laid back. I know he'll probably go through a period where he is bouncing off the walls,but that's kids for you. God knew what we needed this time. I can leave Aaron in his swing and not feel bad since he isn't crying that way I can cook or tend to Daniel also. I can't stand to hear babies cry,not just mine.

I think I would love Mike having a regular job shift,like a day or night time shift. I think it would be much easier to have a steady shift instead of the sporadic ones. But tis life for now. It's just really hard at times because Mike has to get enough sleep so he is alert on his job. I never thought a Law Officer's life was this way,but I found out otherwise. With that said, I am proud of what he does,it can just be frustrating,as every job is at times.

Oh and some scary things have been happening here at the apartment. Last week 2 black guys knocked on our door,but Mike didn't get to it until they had went downstairs to another apartment. Well, he saw them and asked what they were doing here. They made up story about being students at the local University near by and were doing a survey. He told them the landlord didn't want them on site and they had to leave,they replied with why and where is she? He told them to leave or else. Well, 10 minutes later he heard them knocking on another door in the complex,so he went outside again to talk to them. This time he told them he was the courtesy officer and they had to go now. They said they were sorry and hit the road. Come to find out they had robbed a Checker's the day before. Horrific,really. A few days later a guy was reported looking through cars and checking the door handles in building A. A few days after that we were leaving to go get milk and I saw 2 black guys on bicycles going near our building. They proceeded to ride on the grass (where we take Daniel out to play) and go to the back of the building. I told Mike and he put his gun on and went to talk to them. He told them they had to leave and they asked why and said they thought there was a trail back there. (Oh and there is a trail,mostly used by criminals running from the police. It leads from a neighborhood that is pretty violent and comes right to the back of our building.) He told them there wasn't and they needed to leave. They started cussing at him. He then turned into Trooper mode. He didn't cuss at them,but he wasn't very nice either. We found out one day earlier they had knocked on our ederly neighbors door saying their battery died and needed some money. Mr. Joe is an ex marine and well he didn't buy it. It's sad now days you can't trust people really. I don't answer the door at night at all and during the day unless you are Mr. Joe,Ms. T, or Mr. & Mrs. Willie I do not answer. So be praying for our safety. Mike is pretty mad about it and I don't want him to do anything extreme,but then again if it'll keep us safe then so be it.

Alright I better go. I let Aaron take a nap while Daniel and I played. He likes to sit in a chair by me while I get on here,so he's been doing that. I'm fixing to wake Aaron up for the afternoon Thanks