being open

I love being able to record Beth Moore on Wednesdays and watch her! She really is an awesome servant of the Lord! I've always loved hearing her and reading her books/studies. This past week she was talking about the confidence we have through Christ. I can't remember the scripture she used right off hand,but it was good. She talked about loosing confidence in yourself through Christ. She said it can happen for various reasons to anyone. I believe that is what is going on with me. I have no confidence in myself anymore. I don't know if that goes along with being Mommy all over again to a newborn or what? It's like I feel vulnerable,if that makes sense. Maybe it's my hormones or something adding to it. I just don't think I can do anything right. It's hard to describe,but I know that message was for me. Now, she said you have to demand it back. She talked about once when she lost confidence in herself and finally realized it. She said that she demanded it back in Jesus name and told the devil to leave her alone. Honestly, I know to do that,but I just feel weak and trampled.

It's time like this I wish I was back at Riverside and things were like they used to be,having friends around to support and encourage me. It's really hard to open up about this b/c I don't like to be a downer. I like to encourage,but I don't think I've done that in quiet some time. I used to say that was my gift,but it's not been used in quiet some time. My life overall is very happy and I'm very blessed,but it seems I have lost the joy I used to have. How do I get it back? I would say spend more time in prayer and alone with God. I would cut off my arm for that,but it seems like I can't get it. I love my children,but doing it partially alone is overbearing sometimes. Mike helps a lot,when he is home. His job is very demanding also. Among the nursing career,Law Enforcement has the 2nd highest divorce rate. It's very stressful and demanding. So when he has to go to work I let him sleep in and rest. He does the same for me when he can. So I am here a lot by myself with no family near to help. We don't live that far,but 45 minutes is far enough. I stay tired and sleepy just about every single day. Some days I'm so irritable b/c of it too. I hate it. I know it is hard for all parents,but I feel it is a little harder for us. Maybe I'm wrong or deceived? God is using Mike at his job,but I just wish sometimes he could use him elsewhere. We've talked about it numerous times too. I'm very proud of Mike and his job. He is courageous and a light to those around him on the job. Sometimes it's just hard to keep that in mind. I get bogged down and think about nothing but GOD please get us out of here. Out of the apartment,out of Mobile,out of Law Enforcement. I know life isn't easy and it's not supposed to be,I just need the attitude,confidence,and joy to bear it and deal with it.

I guess everyone gets to a point like this,more than once in their life. I'm drained. I'm exhausted. I'm just tired. Maybe it's a valley? I know in the valley there is water and green grass. I know I will make it through if I choose. I used to never understand the verses where Paul discussed being single and being able to devote more time to the Lord. I do understand it now,but I still would not trade being married and having children for it. I just have to realize serving my husband and children,is in itself serving God. Lord, HELP me to remember this and to know I am NOT failing You! I am serving You through my family! I really need to start back on my blog and get back to Thankful Thursdays and At the Well. Having positive things to read and get involved with would really help me I do believe. I would appreciate your prayers as I go through this season of life,that's what it is, a season. I'm not defeated,though I do feel defeated. God has the victory and this is a season. Seasons come and go,help me Lord to gain what YOU want me to from this season. Help my spiritual eyes to be opened to Your will and YOUR ways,not my own. Help me Lord, to realize You are over all my life and from YOU only comes from joy. Joy presses through circumstances,when happiness fades away. You are my joy, you are my strength! You have not forsaken me and you have not left me. You are wanting to carry through this. A soul only stays joyless on their own account. Help me to see all my blessings and to see I have to choose this day whom I will serve, You or myself. Help me to DIE to my flesh! Help me to rid myself of this nasty flesh that longs for MY ways and my time! It's all about You Jesus and all this is for you, for your glory and your fame. It's not about me Jesus, as if you should do things my way, You alone are God and I surrender to YOUR ways!!!

a marriage made in heaven

I am still reading Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I'm on chapter 13 called The Great Mystery. She starts off with his verses: "This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:32-33. In the beginning of this chapter she is talking about how we are supposed to reverence our husband and how our marriage reflects Christ and his Bride. I truly believe that and do believe that was the intention of God when He created Adam and Eve for marriage. Of course, along with other intentions,which are stated in Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. " Debi makes this statement, 'Submission reverence,and honor are virtues God seeks to establish in His Son's Bride. Your marriage to your husband is preparing you for your marriage with Christ.' How true is this! We learn how to relate to our husband the way we relate to God and vice versa. We're even told in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."

Being married to our husband is preparing us for service and marriage to Christ. Wow that just really sunk in with me last night. When I honor and reverence my husband, I am doing so to Christ. How amazing is that? Debi always says this, 'Knowing that my role as a wife typifies the Church's relationship to Christ has molded my life. As I reverence my husband, I am creating a picture of how we, the Church, should reverence Christ.' I never looked deep in the reverence issue,as I did the submission. Now, are we to worship him as God? Why heavens no! That would be against the first commandment in Exodus 203-6, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. " Reverence means to "revere, to be in awe; fear mingled with respect and esteem.

We are to respect our husbands and hold them in high esteem. Through my salvation I've learned most of the time we cannot go on our feelings. Oh boy, those will get us in trouble! Sometimes I may not want to hold my husband in high esteem or respect him if he says something that hurts my feelings. What if he forgets my birthday,anniversary,or Valentine's Day? Doesn't that ruffle your feathers? We still, I still, have to reverence him,respect him,and honor him. Debi touches on the feelings issue. She says, 'Obedience,submission,and reverence are all acts of the will and are not based on feelings. Showing deference toward one's husband is an act of reverence toward the God who placed you in that role.' She goes on time define obedience,submission,and reverence in her own words, 'Obedience is doing what you know the other person wants you to do. Submission is your heart giving over to the other person's will. Reverence is more than just doing what a man expects or demands. It is an act of the woman's will to treat him with a high degree of regard and awe.' Pretty simple and true I think. So do you reverence your husband? In what ways? He's human too. He may say things sometimes that are not God honoring,but don't you? Don't I? We cannot look at him as if we're always holy and pure in heart. That is prideful and much like the Pharisees did.

On another note related to marriage I will go. This is why I strongly believe legalizing same-sex marriage is so dangerous. How does that represent Christ and his Bride?! It doesn't. God doesn't condone homosexuality by any means. He loves the person,but he hates the sin. He calls man lying with man an abomination,see for yourself. "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." Leviticus 18:22. Some have stated that same-sex couples marrying does not threaten their marriage. That's fine if you buy into that lie. It does threaten your marriage. Marriage is a holy sanctioned relationship ordained by God,not men. It is to be between a man and a woman. Not two women or two men. It is a holy picture of Christ and his Bride. The Bride will be redeemed and white as snow and a virgin for her Groom. How can same-sex marriage be so? I really pray for God's continued mercy on this nation,but not sure how much longer mercy will be extended.

Just wanted to post what was on my heart. Thank you for those who read my blog. I am blessed by you.