Thankful Thursday-Looking Back

I have missed thankful Thursday the past few weeks. Iris @ Grace Alone encourages us to look back over our year. She cites this verse from Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.Check out her post on this Thankful Thursday.

I already did a looking back post earlier this week,just on miracles we experienced throughout the year of 2008. I'll just talk some more about our year anyway.

We started the year out being new parents and new is just what we were. Wow. I never knew a baby was so much work really. I thought they were just all fun a games. I seriously did not think things would change so much for myself. Thought I'd still get to sleep when I wanted,eat when I wanted,shower when I wanted,the list goes on. I don't know why I was so naive about it,I just really didn't think it changed that much. I saw my brother's wife carry on with life as it was before she had their oldest daughter and it was the same with their youngest. I was wrong. Everything in life should help us be more selfless and a child does that. It's just up to us whether we let them. I guess it's up to the parents,Mother especially, on how much they sacrifice. I'd sacrifice the world for Daniel. He is such a confident,happy,smart lil' boy. It's so wonderful to know our nurturing has helped him become that. I learned A LOT this past year as far as being selfless goes and I'm still learning BTW. Wow. I woke up many times during the wee early mornings to nurse Daniel when he wanted it and so did Mike. Sometimes 4 times a night for an hour he would nurse. I went days without a shower. And food,what's that?! I changed his diaper however many times he wanted it,though it was costing us a fortune. At the slightest damp diaper he would scream,he definitely didn't stay in them long. I did all this sacrificing for this precious,little, baby boy. I wouldn't change a thing and would probably do more sacrificing if I did it all over again. And Mike. My hero. He was there right by my side. He helped me get positioned to nurse and everything. I couldn't have done it without him. He is such a wonderful,loving man. We've learned so much from Daniel Paul this year. He loves us so much! It's amazing! He lights up when we talk to him,play with him,and hug him. It's amazing how much he loves us. I don't deserve it sometimes,but he freely gives it. Thank You, Lord for Daniel Paul.

And why didn't anyone tell me that marriage would change too? Wow. It was just weird, how things changed. Thank God it wasn't for the worst,although it could have been and that's with any marriage. I know my dear husband felt so isolated and so useless at times when Daniel wanted nothing but me. I know he wondered where his romantic,sexy wife went? haha I also wondered that too. Wow, I was just so vulnerable right after I had Daniel. I've never been that vulnerable. I would get upset over the smallest things,cry over things I never did before,and did not feel like a good looking woman at all. It wasn't too fun, to tell ya the truth. I did not want to be touched hardly in any sexual way,only held and hugged. It was so strange. No one told me I would feel this way either. No wonder so many couples have issues after they have children. Marriage does change,but it doesn't have to be for the bad! You just have to stay connected to Jesus and each other. You have to talk daily and sometimes not about the baby,just about your day and his day. It was just so stressed around the house. I am not low key by any means and it made it bad on Mike,though I thought I was doing what I was supposed too. Keeping the house up,trying to make Mike happy,and taking care of Daniel,which I wasn't so confident about yet. We finally had a melt down. He let me know it was no fun around the house,not the best way to say it,but that's the only way he knew how to say it. I cried and told him he hurt my feelings and that I felt all alone or that he didn't want to be at the house with us. We talked about things,feelings,and decided that we would not worry about the house so much and just spend quality time with each other and Daniel. Thank You,Lord for honesty. My husband can't help,but be brutally honest. It hurts sometimes,but it's better than not saying anything,which I tend to do. Thankfully, since then we have learned how to cope with marriage better while having a baby. We love each other more now,I know. It's so great knowing he is the Father of my son and know he feels the same about me. I just can't imagine life with any other man. He is so awesome! I once again feel good looking and want to be loved on. It's really weird how all the emotions and hormones are so out of wack. Poor husbands.

Families have been wonderful this year too. Without them we would not be as good off as we are today. My family bought our glider for us,gave us $500 after Daniel got here,and my Mother stayed with us for almost a week. I miss those days! They are so special! Mike's family has come down to Mobile and just took me places with them to get out of the house. His oldest sister,Robyn,has loaned us money and watched Daniel a couple times for us. It's been great seeing my parents holding Daniel or playing with him. Wow, it's just amazing! Friends have been a life saver too. We've went over to one friends house a lot! He let our crying lil' baby come over and just cooked for us or ordered food. My Daddy got saved and has turned his life around. He's since been attending church with my Mama and witnessing to everyone. Mike's Mother and sisters have started coming to church with us and really love it! My brother and his wife are expecting a third child too! A boy to carry on my Daddy's name! We miss our families dearly.

We have also seen God move strongly among the people in our church family. It's just amazing! We long to get more involved,as Daniel gets older. We love our Pastor and our Worship Leader. It's so great seeing God's people hungry for Him and responding when He shows up. We know God wants us there. We've hit some rough spots,but we'll get over them.

It's just been a year of learning,miracles,and going deeper. Deeper. Wow. That's something I've just not been able to do much of. Or maybe I have,but don't think I have. Sometimes we're really hard on ourselves,or I am. Some days I feel so unworthy of God's grace and love. I can't seem to get on track with a morning or night Bible study/reading. I pray throughout the day,but still I am learning to do that more. I'm used to sitting down and having a time to pray. I just have not been able to do that consistently this year. When Daniel was younger, I was so drained by the end of the day and it didn't stop when the sun went down. As he got older, I still didn't get a regular time for reading the Bible. It was read this day,didn't read 3 days,read this day,and so forth. It's been really hard for me. I just want a regular "schedule" time. I know that is probably unrealistic with him shy of a year old,not sure. But I have a whole new year starting tomorrow. I want to be more in God's Word. I have learned and really grasped it's about how we live our day to day life,even when no one is watching, or if it's only a baby. I can't wait to teach Daniel all about the Bible,Jesus,and how to live for the Lord. I'm so eager for that! I have figured out with it'll be more by example than by words. I know that I have to have something to give before giving each day. I really covet your prayers in that area. I need to be able to have 5,10,20 minutes in the morning to just read and be still before God. On the mornings, I plan to do that Daniel wakes up before me. He isn't so keen to just sitting there, he wants me playing with him. The other mornings, I'm just so tired from the night/day before or I'm just lazy. It'll just be really neat to tell Daniel okay it's time to talk to God before we start our day. Now, that part of Motherhood, I do long for.

I've also been learning that I do not have to be the perfect Mother. I cannot stop his cries all the time. I cannot deprive myself of certain needful things. I need to eat daily. I need to have a quiet time. I need to be a happy Mother for Daniel. I can't do it all myself. It's okay to ask for Mike's help. He'll gladly help me. Sometimes I just feel I should be able to do it all on my own,how prideful,but true! Daniel wants a loving Mother,not a perfect Mother. I can't be the perfect wife either. Mike wants a loving wife,not a perfect wife. Thankfully, he doesn't expect perfection out of me. I have to rely on Christ and his strength for my strength and my joy. Oh how often do I forget these "small" truths. I need Thee, oh I need Thee.

That has been more of our year. Maybe more than you wanted to know about,but that's what my blog is for, to help others or encourage. Many of you have encouraged me so much! I pray your year was also full of something you can be happy about.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33

For those who struggled more than I did, here's a song that I cling too:

Worth It All- Rita Springer

I don't understand your ways
Oh but I will give you my song
Give you all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it you are pulling me closer
And pulling me into your ways

Now around every corner
Up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of your face
Is all that I'm needing
I will say to you

Its gonna be worth it,
Its gonna be worth it all,
I believe this.
Its gonna be worth it,
Its gonna be worth it all,
I believe this.